Your ancestors would be disappointed in you as a young man if you have gynophobia and after reading this article you continue to shout ‘fear women’, ‘fear women.’
Why do you go about embarrassing yourself, acting like you are not man enough to handle a girl/woman? What is it about the woman that you have to fear her? Be careful!
If you are humble enough, follow me and I will give you tips that will help you around women.
This post is an impromptu one. I needed to put it together quickly so you can stop embarrassing yourself by chanting fear women everywhere.
However, I have to mention that this post is not to defend women or to exonerate them from any wrongdoing.
But they are not more guilty than their male counterparts. In fact, women have borne the brunt of a partial society for too long and you don’t see them go animated about it.
Why the chant – ‘fear women?’ And What Is Gynophobia
Gynophobia is the fear men have of being humiliated by a woman. The fear of being deprived or usurping the position of the man to emasculate him or his male identity.
Gynophobia can affect men and women, but we are focusing on gynophobic men in this article.
The first time I read ‘fear women’ from Twitter Nigeria, I thought it was one of those random chants until it was frequent enough to be an embarrassment.
After a brief investigation and with experience, I observed that the tantrums by young men were a result of many factors – poverty, frustration, inexperience, misinformation, fragile masculinity, and the influence of some online alpha male crusaders.
I had a particular group of friends I consider weird after university education. They were gynophobic even though they tried to mask it with their bloated masculinity.
I describe them as weird because they were terrible towards women. You could see the hatred when they talk about women and their escapades with them.
Related: How To Be A Real Man At Home And Social Circles
It was like a competition to see who would outdo the other in using and dumping unsuspecting girls.
They yabbed them, used, mocked, and threw them out after having their way. They had the notion that you dump them before they dump you. They feared women.
They mocked me and called me a woman wrapper when I tried condemning their behaviour toward girls.
It’s good to note that their girlfriends were at peace with me both during and after the relationships ended.
Some offered free sex, not because they are loose, but because my way of handling women was seductive even before I say a word.
I got no good looks, not much a girl would dream of in a man physically.
What did they see in me? Emotional intelligence and empathy and others you will find out in the later part of this article.
My friend’s reasons for treating the girls the way they did were as follows:
- “One girl did the same to me”
- “They are money-conscious”
- “They are poor”
- “They don’t dress fine”
- “Always hungry”
Let me explain:
1. One girl did the same to me
Almost everyone has one bad story to tell about love including girls themselves.
In fact, women are the worst hit when it comes to unrequited or gone-wrong love.
It’s childish and unmanly to treat the next girl with contempt because the previous girl treated you badly. It’s the worst low a man can go.
Why punish another for another’s sin? This showed the kind of mentality some of our young men are running.
And the trend is still on today. You hear statements like, ‘never trust any girl, they are all the same’. This is one of the reasons they fear women.
2. They are money-conscious
In a country like Nigeria where the majority of the people are in poverty, what do you expect?
The money most of the girls look for is for their basic needs. If they ask you for it, you as a man should play the senior brother role to them irrespective of whether they agree to date you or not.
Disclaimer: I did not say you should give a woman your lifesaving, or your school fees.
But it behooves you as a man who is wooing a woman to use that opportunity of solving her needs to sell yourself to her. Make her know you are capable. It’s an agelong practice.
If you don’t have one, be humble enough to let her know. Sincerity would save you a lot from the beginning.
Some people have wooed women without a dime, and they succeeded, just be open right from the beginning.
You don’t want to appear capable to have a woman whereas you can’t even take care of yourself. It always backfires.
3. They are poor
You are poor too, not just in material things, but also in the mind. Any man or person for that matter that would call someone out because they are poor which is not their own making is an allrounder in poverty.
If they are poor, that’s the more reason you should show compassion either by alleviating them, which will even give you a broad chance of making them loyal to you, or by using kind words.
4. They don’t dress well
It’s still the same. Poverty will affect almost every area of life. Poor people don’t dress, eat or live fine.
There are people who when poverty leaves them, are unrecognizable. The transformation would be so different that you don’t wish poverty on anyone.
5. Always hungry
Normally, this should not have been a problem for my friends because they had enough to eat, but not enough to give out.
But it’s an act of humanity to be the source of someone’s meal. It’s okay if you don’t have or don’t want to give.
But using this predicament to taunt a girl is the height of irresponsibility.
I am glad age changed my friends. Well into their 30s, they began to act manly enough and show compassion to women.
Men don’t have to wait for age to make them reasonable. Learn from people.
The problem of the gynophobic young man
Below are some of the observable problems of the typical young man which cause him not to be a gentleman to the girl.
Why woo a girl when you can’t keep her
These guys would woo girls with all their energy and when they fall, they discard them like a piece of rag after having their way.
Not discarding them for the sake of it, but emphasizing that they are not good to keep around because they would always be up to something bad.
The gynophobia was at its height with these guys. In fact, they open my eyes to how bitterness makes a man act. They were triggered from all angles you find a woman.
The humiliation was what shattered me because almost all the girls cried, not because they were jilted but because of the humiliation that accompanied it.
They were on a revenge mission. Yes! The majority of the young men are loose, bitter, and lack self-worth.
They are driven by this entitlement mentality that women should not have choices when it comes to them.
They have this empty alpha male mindset that keeps them trapped in their bloated and unproductive masculinity, even in poverty.
The problem of the gynophobic young man can be summarized below:
- Poverty mentality
- Pack mentality
- Lack of empathy and sympathy for the girl
- Lack of self-confidence
- Lack of respect for women
- Fragile masculinity
1. Poverty mentality
Yes! Poverty can make a man fear women. They believed that when you ask a girl out, hang out with her, and spend little money, they must have to pay back.
This is the most immature thing some young men do. They can’t endure spending money on a girl without sleeping with her.
As barbaric as it sounds, it is quite deep-rooted in many young men. They cry and whine about overspending on a girl that didn’t fall for them.
The truth is, you make sacrifices. If you can’t make these sacrifices, then why are you a man?
2. Lack of maturity
Maturity is not by age, but by knowing how best to respond to situations, especially when it has to do with your fellow humans.
Some young men are bereft of this maturity as it concerns women. In their tyrant way of life, they don’t want the Nigerian woman to have a choice.
Gynophobia is always there in many different forms – low self-esteem, poor confidence, and trust.
They hardly take ‘no’ for an answer, especially when they have spent money for you as a girl.
Some even go ahead to forcefully retrieve gifts given to a girl in the course of wooing them.
As mad as it sounds, they are the alpha male crusaders who claim to be stoic, but can’t bear the rejection of a poor woman.
This is the height of immaturity. A man does not ask for his gift back, a man spends for women not because he can, not because he wants to sleep with her.
A man is the definition of maturity. Most Nigerian young men are sissy boys, even in their alpha male rhetoric.
3. Pack mentality
Peers have a tremendous influence on people. The pack mentality among Nigerian young men is so strong that they are influenced by what a person adored by others thinks of a situation.
They adopt certain behaviours on emotional grounds rather than rational ones. The capacity to think has been eroded or never was there in the first place.
4. Lack of empathy and sympathy
Empathy is stripping yourself of your view and projecting it into other people’s feelings to understand them from their point of view.
The young man is far away from that. He is so selfish that the effect of his behaviour on the girl is irrelevant, so far it feels like he won.
All he wants is what he gains. If the Nigerian young man can put himself in the shoes of a poor Nigerian girl, he would have a different approach to how he treats her.
Empathy is important in relating with people, and even more important when it has to do with matters of the heart.
5. Lack of self-confidence
Many young men do not have trust in their own abilities to sustain a relationship. That’s why they see the girl as a competition which prompts his behaviour.
A self-confident person would walk away and see it as the quirk of life when a woman rejects him, but a Nigerian boy will be bitter and most times plan evil.
I have heard stories where a young man forcefully takes back his gifts after a quarrel. Utter childishness and embarrassment.
A man of virtue, a confident man will be man enough not to sulk the entire day, or come to social media to call out women or chant ‘fear women.’
6. Poverty, even of the mind
A lot of young men are not just poor, they are also mentally poor. I say this because they lack the average thought pattern of an average man.
If you don’t have money, then you should be competent mentally to navigate life more efficiently.
They want to woo a woman without being responsible in any way. Life’s rule is that you don’t look for a woman when you can’t be responsible for her.
This does not mean that poor people don’t find love. They do, but they have a particular approach to it.
They are humble, sincere, open, and on the course of changing their situation.
I know of girls who dated very poor boys and encouraged them. It still happens today; it depends on the attitude of the boy.
7. Lack of respect for women
Nigerian young men have so much contempt for women because of the first sets of reasons outlined above.
They always want to get their pound of flesh any chance they get. This is why even when they are married, they continue with their alpha male entitlement mentality.
The bloated ego that breaks in the face of a little challenge. This is a lack of maturity which is a core attribute of a real man.
8. Toxic masculinity
Toxic masculinity is having some attitudes which are stereotypes of behaviours expected by men and are harmful to both society and themselves.
The notion that men should not cry, not cook for their woman, that men should always be on top, do drugs, gamble, and others; are examples of toxic masculinity.
You see a man dying, but because he is a man, he will not ask for help. He engages in risky behaviours that can affect him negatively because he is a man.
This has led men to fight when they should dialogue, die when they should live, and lose when they should win.
See how you can practice positive and healthy masculinity.
The problem with many young girls
Here are some of the problems of the young lady, especially in Nigeria:
- Antecedents of Nigerian men
- Too many toasters
Age is not a friend of many young girls, especially in Africa. She has between 20 – 26 to arrange herself properly for marriage. This is not supposed to be a problem as it is the doing of nature.
But in Nigeria, it is a problem as many girls are not mentally ready until they are past their prime and they begin to appear desperate.
The young man uses desperation against her because he is not ready to settle down.
Young women should know they don’t have as much time as young men and should put forward their best behaviour out there and practice healthy and safe relationships.
This is why she doesn’t have to waste time with a boy who does not have prospects.
This advice is for girls who value marriage.
2. Antecedents of men
Because some men have a reputation for treating girls badly, the girls have developed thick skin.
Note that ‘young men’ used in this article mean men in their 20s. Men in their late 30s treat women with care and respect. However, they are not the focus of this article.
The young lady approaches dating emotionally prepared and with the mentality of not losing out entirely.
If the guy is angling for sex, she’s angling for money. I have what you want, do you have what I want?
This attitude infuriates the young man who lashes out. But the young lady should not be carried away with this behaviour because she might lose out on a good man.
3. Too many men flocking around
Girls in their prime have many men on their trail, both reasonable and unreasonable especially when she’s got good looks.
This could be a problem as she might be caught in between some of them. This makes her look promiscuous even though she is not because she will honour many dates.
Everyone wants to have a taste and if she’s not strong-willed, she would be misused and dumped.
She also moves from one man to another due to relationships that didn’t work and trying new ones out.
She also quickly outgrows poor boyfriends and goes for a readier one as she accumulates experiences.
This again angers the poor boyfriend who goes on Twitter to rant with his co-poor boys joining in.
This is the way of life, young men should understand that. You are not guaranteed anything.
Poverty is a worldwide problem that puts the female gender in a position of vulnerability. A poor woman can succumb to a dehumanizing situation for upkeep.
In Nigeria, a man can use poverty as a trap for a lady he is interested in, arm-twisting her to do his relationship bidding.
A woman might because of poverty agree to date or even marry someone she does not have any feelings for.
It’s a problem because such relationships almost always end in disharmony.
She could leave the relationship or have affairs when it’s no longer serving her.
This is the most obvious of the average lady in Africa (Nigeria). The average girl is too demanding in a relationship.
Just as described throughout this article, a man should be responsible to his girl to an extent, but it should not be a burden.
When the girl constantly bills the guy out of proportion, then it becomes exploitative and excessively in bad taste.
However, the Nigerian guy should handle this maturely. Insight will show him if she’s out to wreck him or if her demands are borne out of poverty and lack.
The best thing is he should be in control of the situation. If he can’t bear it, he should leave.
How not to fear women
Both the young man and lady have the same problems. They are victims of a failing society and don’t have everything going well for them.
Even if everything was going well, people also have a choice as to whom they want to date.
They are not bound to remain in a relationship they don’t want anymore, including marriage.
Young men should understand this and know peace. That a woman jilted you or is not interested in you anymore after your spending is one of those quirks in life.
You cannot begin to fear women because of that. Nor will you fear women because they have extramarital affairs.
The man does that too. There have been many stories of men impregnating their house helps.
There also are stories of paternal fraud where married women bring home another man’s pregnancy.
It’s a human thing and not peculiar to any gender.
Chanting ‘fear women’ is the lowest any man can go. It means you as a man has lost control of her, therefore at her mercy.
Below is my personal repertoire for arresting the hearts of women and girls.
My formula with women
Before I got married, it was always fun going after women because I loved the thrill and the predictability of women.
The longer it took to seduce her, the better for me because I will be more creative. It was fun.
I always knew the behaviour they were likely to put up and know where to wait for them.
That was the strategy I tried to teach my friends but they were not having it, instead, they called me a sissy man lol…
My approach to girls
Women are for mature men and not for kids. Maturity should precede going after women. And maturity has many components:
- Must be patient with her
- Always ready to save her from any predicament where you can
- Don’t use her flaws as a weapon against her
- Be ready to sacrifice without getting anything back
- See her as a child, the same way you see a child
- Let her be happy, even if you guys break up
- Don’t revenge if she hurts you
- If you can’t tolerate all of that, leave
- You should have many girls who are your friends, and who are also potential girlfriends. Keeping this category of girls makes it easier for you to pick if your current one goes bad. And you should be renewing your friend base regularly.
With the above, you will never have a problem with the young lady because you absolutely understand her.
In return, she gives you maximum respect because you are her dream man. Even if you both don’t end up married, you will be friends for a long time to come which is not a bad thing.
Humans are meant to live in harmony and not always at loggerheads.
Mind you, this advice is for people who are ready to mature and not teenagers who will argue from a point of ignorance.
Don’t get yourself worked up trying to make a relationship work
I do not get myself worked up with women’s misbehaviour. If I am unlucky to have an insensitive girl, I would try to change her or leave if she’s obstinate.
Falling deeply in love with a girl that you lose yourself in the process is the trait of a fragile man.
Always be ready for the worst which is to leave the relationship but without seeing her as a bad person.
Remember that everyone is looking out for himself, including her.
After fearing women, what next?
The ‘fear women’ chant might be a joke, but it sure sends a strong message that will influence younger men’s view of women.
It also makes the woman look bad and irresponsible, whereas it is a human thing. Both men and women have the capacity to treat each other badly.
My advice to young men
Dear Nigerian young men, fearing women will not help you. After fearing them, what next? You will still have a need for them unless you book a castration session.
But before then, you must find a way to harness the best from the girl without being animated or bitter.
The young man should develop a thick skin for the reality on ground. Without having value (money) at least to offset some basic expenses, you will continue to suffer in relationships.
If you are bitter that a girl who has better options will stick with you in poverty, then you are being selfish.
If she decides to go, let her go and you must always find someone while you are building value.
The fact is that you will still find your level of a girl at whatever level you are in life.
Though it’s okay to shoot your shot among the stars, it’s pertinent that you know your level.
Here are the points I want the young men to note:
- Have something doing. It gives you value and respect
- It takes more than impregnating a girl to be a man
- Avoid vengeance – because she cheated on me, I will cheat on another girl. Nothing can be more childish
- To have a woman means to have responsibility. Reneging from that is emasculation
- You must not be her best choice. She should have choices, and if you are not, don’t whine, let her go
- It’s okay for a woman to change her mind about you no matter how much you spent on her
- Learn to be masculine enough to be a gentleman
- It’s okay for a woman to reject you intoto
- You must not avenge wrongdoing by a girl. Endure!
- If you are lucky to have a girl who loves you in your poverty, be grateful and respect her, but expect the worst but don’t relax
- Add value to your life so you can have something people can respect you for. Always be growing
- Don’t disrespect women even if you don’t love them
- If you are moved to spend for a woman, do it and don’t expect anything not discussed in return
- Have the mind of a man. When a woman leaves you, also turn your back and find another. Don’t begin to whine
My advice to young girls
Nigerian girls have a kind of exposure to relationship matters their male mates don’t have because they become more sexually appealing ahead.
This early exposure hones their sense of the opposite sex and they grow with it depending on the kind of experience.
If the experience was bad, they tend to have a negative description of the man; if it was good, they are positive.
Here are some tips I give young girls I know:
- Know that the boy has an advantage over you in a causal relationship
- Don’t be quick to engage in sexual relationships, it can ruin your prospects. If possible, wait till marriage
- If you can, don’t ask for money from your boyfriend. Show him you are not all about the money. But if you are poor and both of you are in good standing, ask him to do you the favour in the most honourable way. Normally, he should be able to do these things without being prompted if there is good communication and the relationship is healthy.
- Let your mother, aunty, or father know about your relationships. They see clearer and give better advice
- Don’t take advice from your peers
- Don’t use sex to pay a man back for the favour he did to you
- Know that you don’t have time, always look out for a man of good standing to date. Not necessarily about money
Thanks for reading. We welcome criticisms.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A Personal Development Content Creator and an author. I write about life ethics and love to document and share life hacks and experiences of people to help others make good life decisions.
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