How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

You find someone attractive but your moves can only fetch you the friend zone. Here is how to get out of the friend zone with your dignity intact.

This could be frustrating for some people while it is like a game to others. Whichever situation, it is not a good feeling when you show interest in someone and they don’t reciprocate.

In most cases, being friend-zoned means they don’t have interest in you, or you are bland and need to up your game.

In other cases, it could mean they genuinely can never have anything to do with you and prefer just to be friends.

In this article, we are going to explore everything surrounding this imaginary place that nobody loves and how to get out of the friend zone with your confidence intact.

Make use of the table of contents to navigate easily.

What does friend zone mean?

Complacency can make you looking for how to get out of the friend zone

The Friend zone is an imaginary place for people looking for romance or love but is either rejected but are not told, or the other person genuinely is not disposed for any such.

Most times relationships kickstart through friendship and progress into romance. When this progress is stalled on the friendship level, the person pushing for romance is said to be in the friend zone.

Before being friend-zoned, a person must have shown interest or efforts which are not reciprocated.

It’s a difficult zone where many romantic interests have died due to a lack of experience and creativity or absolute disinterest from the other party.

Navigating and getting out of the friend zone, or remaining there by choice requires tact, maturity, and emotional intelligence which comprises communication skills, clarity of thought, and the boldness to execute same.

However, a friend zone is not entirely a bad situation, you can be someone’s friend and explore other benefits with them rather than romance.

We should learn to understand that we don’t win all. We win some and lose some.

Does the friend zone mean rejection?

Yes! In most cases, friend zone means you are nicely rejected even though you are not sure. I don’t know how else to explain someone not being into you. When people are fond of you, you don’t need to be told.

However, in other cases, you could make audacious moves that can stun and sweep the person off their feet and into your arms. It depends on your game and most especially the effect this person is having on you.

If you don’t have a strong attraction where they are, you won’t have a drive strong enough to make the move that can impress your image beautifully in their consciousness.

I have seen where someone vehemently insists on friendship because she was married and she meant it. But she was swept off her feet and she found herself in the arms of the man she rejected, and it was not voodoo.

I am not asking you to go after a married person though, but if you are audacious enough, you can overcome the resistance of people you like by the approach you take to arrest their attention.

With some calculated efforts, you can impress them enough to lower their guard while with some, you can never win them over.

Most times, friendzone means you are not allowed to cross the friendship line, but it is not a decided situation.

The key is to know when to apply pressure and when it is an absolute waste of time.

Reasons why you might be friend-zoned

There are many reasons you are friend-zoned. You might be falling for your prospective romance partner while they are falling for others.

Here are reasons why you might be in the friend zone area of someone you have an interest in:

  • You are revealing your intention too early
  • You are not promising and impressive
  • You don’t fall into their interest
  • They are already in a better relationship
  • You are too available
  • Your interest is not clear

Let’s explain the points further …

You are making your moves too early

It is not always a good idea to begin flaunting your feelings early on knowing people, no matter how intense your feeling is.

It is in good taste to let things flow while you steer softly. Let interest build-up while you monitor the momentum and know when it is ripe to open up.

In most cases, you might not even need to open up, things move straight into what you desire.

Asking people out or showing obvious signs early on makes the other party uncomfortable and might recline into their shell, friend-zoning you.

You are not impressive

Everyone has got a standard, though flexible, you must fall very close to whom they want – plus or minus.

Being too far from the kind of person they desire; you are going to be friend-zoned pretty quickly.

You have to strike a chord, inspire awe, not the everyday person who can’t be differentiated from the crowd.

There are people whose beauty or handsomeness is their own edge and can work for them. But such qualities quickly fade when the relationship is deep enough and steps away from superficial qualities.

You don’t fall into their interest

You should have deep qualities that serve the interest of the person you are interested else you will soon be learning how to get out of the friend zone.

You must be interesting and excites their interest to be desirable to them. You can’t do that by just being a human being.

Your duty is to study whom you have an interest in and know which angle to approach from. You must be able to fill a gap in their life, if not, you will not stop learning how to get out of the friend zone soon.

People don’t pick interest in people because you ask for it, there must be something pleasant that gets their attention. Their interest must be fulfilled.

Are you ready to give them that strong reason to fixate their thought on you?

They are already in a better relationship

There are people who can never be seduced, no matter how hard you try. A thoroughly satisfied person cannot be seduced and will always friend-zone you.

It is better to see the signs early on and make do with being their friends or just look elsewhere.

Don’t mistake the niceness of people for an indication of interest. You have to see beyond their being polite and respectful as these could be misconstrued for interest in you.

You are too available

When you make yourself available all the time, you look too common and your respect wears off. Robert Greene in his book, The Art of Seduction, hints on using calculated absence to heighten interest.

Making yourself scarce makes them feel your absence and want to have it, thereby coming after you.

This is however when you have done the background work of making sure you have infiltrated their lives so much so that your absence is felt.

Your interest is not clear from the onset

It is in good taste to know what you want early on. Hint on it in your conversations with them and make sure they get the message clearly.

This helps make you more confident and handle rejection maturely. It also shows you are bold and know what you want instead of going through the back door and sending mixed signals.

How do u know if you are friend-zoned?

How do you know if you are in the friend-zoned?

The most difficult part is differentiating between playing hard to get, genuine disinterest, and friend-zoning.

However, time and attitude will always show clearly where they stand. I advise people to respect people’s position in such matters.

When people tell you they prefer to be friends with you, or their attitudes show they don’t want intimacy, respect that and continue to be nice but not obtrusive.

Being friend-zoned is not the end of life. It is not about you; it is about people’s choices. They are looking out for themselves.

You too don’t give every dick and harry access to the deepest part of your life. You have boundaries.

Signs you’re in the friend zone

You know you are relegated to the friend zone when you could not move to the next level in a relationship. When they are not into you or when likely interest stalls and you wonder what happened.

They are not enthusiastic about a date with you, and when they reluctantly agree, they are edgy, distracted, and they are not sure how best to let you know they don’t want this much intimacy.

They are vague, expressionless, and non-committal and carefully steer off romantic discussions that they are not supposed to be discussing with someone whom they are not intimate with.

When you press too much, they suggest a friend of theirs who would be a perfect match for you.

You know you are friend-zoned. Yes, you know, but you need hard evidence to convince yourself.

Can you break a Friendzone?

As mentioned above, the friend zone is not outrightly bad if you are a confident person and don’t have a fragile ego.

You can easily snap out of that entitlement mentality by knowing there are many pebbles on the beach and you can’t have your way all the time.

Not coming all out to tell you they don’t want you for romance is a kind of soft landing for you.

However, most people only see the sex, romance, and love denied them, and they are bitter, even when they are offered absolute friendship.

When you are friend-zoned, there is no need to persist, pester, get angry or lash out at the person.

These attitudes are signs of weakness and buttress to the other person they made the right decision by not allowing you that opportunity.

It’s also a sign of fragility and would only worsen your situation and probably move you to the worst zone, a dead zone, a no-go zone.

Below are ways to get out of the friend zone confidently.

How to get out of the friend zone

Picking offense with people because they friend-zoned you is humiliating and will push you further away from where you wanted to be.

There is even a chance that you can build romantic momentum from the friendship zone when you are patient enough.

However, there are two options you have when you are friend-zoned – either you:

  • Accept to be just a friend or
  • You get the hell out entirely of the situation

Accepting to be a friend is nobler an option as it puts you in the standing of a decent guy. You don’t convince people to love you by persistence or nagging. Even if you do, it’s a shallow situation.

Although unrequited love can hurt – you feel your ego is trampled upon and you wonder if you are not good enough. Having your dignity is enough to keep you going. Hold on to it!

If you can’t manage to be their friend, honestly explain and leave instead of burning bridges.

Though I am not a fan of that. I still prefer remaining friends and exploring other benefits they can serve.

Friendships that are not a priority die out on their own without burning bridges. You should know that relationships do not have to start and end in romance.

How to get out of the friend zone with a girl

As a man, it could be tricky when you are friend-zoned by a girl because you are not sure if she’s playing hard to get or serious.

Girls are wired differently, they could have an interest in a person at the onset, and a few days later, their interest is sour, as they employ new sets of attitudes that don’t favour you.

Their hormones play a huge role in this behaviour. They find a man attractive during their ovulation period and find him repelling in the next few days – you are in the friend zone.

Getting out of the zone is same with the two options given in a subtopic above – accept being their friend or get the hell out of their lives.

However, considering their hormonal factor, you should accept the friendship and slowly work your way into their hearts.

This works well when you are a patient person and can scheme a long-term strategy. But you must be sure the girl has a tremendous effect on you, and you are not just trying to play games.

How to get out of the friend zone with a guy

You as a girl might have feelings for a guy and wait for him to make the move of asking you out.

You might become grey if the guy has no interest or is shy of taking the bold step.

In this situation, you that is burning with feelings should give enough greenlight or even go all the way to shoot your shot.

A direct shot always gives the best result – either you are rejected or accepted. If rejected, you are happy you have made a move instead of remaining in a trapped zone.

If you are accepted, you are happy you took a chance and it paid off. Whichever side it swings, you are out of the friend zone.

However, don’t disappear when he says ‘no’, it reeks of manipulation and low self-esteem.

Keep relating on neutral matters and you can work on yourself to be more appealing.

By opening up, you are out of the friend zone.

How to not get in the friend zone / avoiding the friend zone

When you are good at your game, you won’t be looking for how to get out of the friend zone.

Experienced people avoid the friend zone right from the onset. They make their intention or hint on them as early as possible, but not too early to appear desperate on a suspicious agenda.

They also don’t wait for too long or sleep on their intention that it becomes stale when they eventually do.

Here’s the thing, the onset of knowing people is always exciting. You have to make them relaxed enough before gradually releasing your intention into their awareness.

Sometimes, it happens so smoothly in a way that they don’t understand what hit them so far you are good at your game.

You have to be a bunch of niceness to pull off this feat without them seeing you as playing a game on them.

However, behind all of this is a clear intention, conviction and willingness to execute.

Everything in life is strategy. If you don’t strategize, chances are you won’t get what you want. Question your motivation, answering the following questions would help as a guidance:

  • Do you really want that person?
  • How long are you ready to go on the chase?
  • What is your strategy to succeed?
  • What amount of effort is needed?
  • How will you present yourself to be appealing?

These questions and more need to be answered to give you a lead and avoid being complacent or stuck in the friend zone.

My final thoughts

While it can hurt to be relegated to the friend zone, it is not your end. You can see the situation from the angle of having a friendship which could be an important connection for other life issues.

Instead of struggling on how to get out of the friend zone, see it as a place to restrategize and launch out.

It is a good thing that someone is interested in you without romantic attraction.

I have been friends with people who I never had romantic relationship with in the last 15 years even though I wanted to. They became business connections, enriching my circle of friends.


Getting Out Of The Friend Zone

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone With A Guy

Avoiding The Friend Zone


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A Personal Development Content Creator and an author. I write about life ethics and love to document and share life hacks and experiences of people to help others make good life decisions.

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