Last updated on September 30th, 2026 at 10:04 pm
An Omaha sales manager could not see why his best people kept quitting. Exit interviews gave the same answer: he interrupted, dismissed worries, and exploded when targets slipped.
Low emotional intelligence is difficulty recognizing, managing, or responding to emotions in yourself and others.
It is not a lack of intelligence or a character flaw, but a set of skills that are underdeveloped, as the Omaha manager’s story shows.
Left unchecked, it strains careers, friendships, and families, yet it can improve with honest feedback and practice.
The sections below explain what low emotional intelligence looks like, its common causes, and its signs and effects.
They also cover how to deal with people who struggle with it and how to build stronger emotional skills yourself.
Table of Contents
What Is Low Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and manage emotions in yourself and others, as explained in what emotional intelligence means.
Low emotional intelligence means one or more of its four skills, self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management, is weak.
Most people are uneven, so someone may read others well yet struggle to control their own temper.
It is a pattern of behavior, not a diagnosis, and it varies with stress, fatigue, and circumstances.
Common Causes of Low Emotional Intelligence
- Childhood environment: Children learn emotional skills by watching adults, so homes where feelings were ignored, mocked, or punished can leave gaps, a pattern explored in the effects of a narcissistic parent.
- Limited emotional vocabulary: People who never learned words for feelings struggle to identify them.
- Stress and exhaustion: Chronic stress and poor sleep make anyone more reactive and less empathetic.
- Cultural or gender norms: Messages such as “boys don’t cry” can discourage people from noticing or expressing emotions.
- Mental health conditions: Depression, anxiety, and trauma can make emotions harder to read and manage.
- Neurodevelopmental differences: Some autistic people process emotions differently, which is not the same as lacking care for others.
Some people have a trait called alexithymia, difficulty identifying and describing feelings, which research estimates affects 5 to 19 percent of people and links to greater vulnerability to mental illness.
Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence
Self-Awareness Signs
- Struggles to name feelings beyond “fine,” “stressed,” or “angry.”
- Is surprised by how others describe them.
- Rarely connects moods to their causes.
Self-Management Signs
- Loses temper quickly or holds grudges.
- Makes impulsive decisions when upset.
- Struggles to recover from setbacks.
Social Awareness Signs
- Misses cues that others are bored, hurt, or uncomfortable.
- Dominates conversations.
- Dismisses others’ feelings as overreactions.
Relationship Management Signs
- Avoids or escalates conflict.
- Takes feedback as a personal attack.
- Blames others when things go wrong.
Deeper patterns, such as tantrums or chronic blame in adulthood, are covered in signs of arrested emotional development.
How Low Emotional Intelligence Affects Perception, Communication, and Relationships
People with low emotional intelligence may misread neutral faces as hostile or miss obvious distress, which leads to responses that feel cold or aggressive.
In conversation, they may interrupt, lecture, or change the subject when emotions come up.
In relationships, partners and friends can feel unheard, which slowly erodes trust and closeness.
At work, they may struggle with teamwork, feedback, and leadership, even when their technical skills are strong.
Effects of Low Emotional Intelligence
| Area | Possible Effects |
|---|---|
| Career | Conflict with colleagues, stalled promotions, poor leadership |
| Relationships | Frequent arguments, misunderstandings, loneliness |
| Mental health | More stress, anxiety, and difficulty coping |
| Physical health | Stress-related problems from bottled-up or explosive emotions |
| Decisions | Choices driven by passing moods rather than values |
Low Emotional Intelligence at Work
At work, low emotional intelligence can look like the brilliant colleague nobody wants on their project, or the manager whose team quietly transfers away.
It shows up in harsh emails, public criticism, and meetings where one person dominates.
Because these costs build slowly, people are sometimes promoted for technical skill and only later struggle with the people side of the role.
In my observation, the professionals who fix this fastest are those who ask a trusted colleague for blunt feedback and act on it.
How to Deal With Someone Who Has Low Emotional Intelligence
1. Stay Calm Yourself
Their reactivity is easier to handle when you do not match it, a skill explained in responding rather than reacting.
2. Be Clear and Specific
Describe behavior and its impact plainly, since hints and subtle cues may be missed.
3. Don’t Take It Personally
Their bluntness or dismissiveness usually reflects a skill gap, not a judgment of your worth.
4. Choose the Right Moment
Raise concerns when emotions are calm, not in the middle of an argument.
5. Set Boundaries
Be clear about what behavior you will not accept, and follow through calmly.
6. Model the Skills
Name your own feelings and listen well, since people learn emotional skills partly by example.
If someone’s behavior becomes abusive, prioritize your safety and seek support rather than trying to fix them.
How to Improve Low Emotional Intelligence
Emotional skills can grow at any age, and a 2019 meta-analysis of 58 studies found training produced moderate improvements.
1. Build Your Emotional Vocabulary
Learn words beyond basic ones, such as frustrated, disappointed, or anxious, since naming a feeling precisely makes it easier to manage.
2. Check In With Yourself
Pause a few times a day and ask what you feel and why, a habit covered in tuning into your emotions.
3. Pause Before Reacting
When emotions rise, take a breath before speaking, using techniques from calming strong emotions.
4. Ask for Feedback
Ask trusted people how you come across in tense moments, and listen without defending yourself. Honest input is the fastest route to seeing yourself more clearly.
5. Practice Empathy
Before responding, ask how the other person might be feeling, building on the skill of empathy.
6. Learn Helpful Phrases
Simple phrases such as “Help me see your view” can defuse tension, and more are collected in emotionally intelligent phrases to use.
7. Get Professional Support
A therapist or coach can help, especially if emotional difficulties stem from trauma, depression, or anxiety.
A longer roadmap appears in the path to higher EQ.
Conclusion
The Omaha manager kept his next team because he learned to pause, listen, and name his frustration before acting on it.
Low emotional intelligence shows up as trouble recognizing feelings, controlling reactions, reading others, and handling conflict, and it can harm careers and relationships.
It has many causes, from childhood to stress, but research shows emotional skills can be trained.
This week, ask one trusted person how you handle tense moments, and choose one skill above to practice.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the signs of low emotional intelligence?
Common signs include trouble naming feelings, quick temper, missing others’ emotional cues, dismissing feelings, taking feedback personally, and blaming others.
What causes low emotional intelligence?
Causes include childhood environments where feelings were ignored, limited emotional vocabulary, chronic stress, cultural norms, mental health conditions, and traits such as alexithymia.
Can low emotional intelligence be improved?
Yes, a 2019 meta-analysis of 58 studies found training improved emotional intelligence, and daily practices like naming feelings and pausing help too.
How do you deal with someone with low emotional intelligence?
Stay calm, be clear and specific, avoid taking their behavior personally, raise concerns at calm moments, and set firm boundaries when needed.
This article is for general information and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.
Pious Clements writes about character, conduct, and the deeper questions of how a life is lived. He is the founder of The Conducts of Life, a site built on the belief that how you behave, not what you achieve, defines who you are. His writing draws from decades of observation, lived experience, and serious thinking about human nature, ethics, and self-development. He writes to be useful, not popular.