Low emotional intelligence impairs effective communication

What Is Low Emotional Intelligence? Signs, Causes, And How To Deal With It

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Last updated on June 10th, 2025 at 01:56 pm

Struggling with constant misunderstandings, emotional outbursts, or a lack of empathy? You might be dealing with low emotional intelligence. Discover the signs, causes, and practical ways to handle it effectively.

You’ve likely met someone who always seems defensive, struggles to express feelings, or misreads social cues.

Maybe that person is you. These are signs of low emotional intelligence, and they can affect your relationships, work, and peace of mind.

Emotional intelligence is more than just recognizing feelings. It’s about how you manage them and connect with others.

When emotional skills are weak, it can lead to misunderstandings, tension, and frustration.

But here’s the good part: low emotional intelligence isn’t permanent.

You can spot it, understand where it’s coming from, and start changing how you respond.

This post will guide you through what low emotional intelligence looks like, what causes it, and how to deal with it in yourself and others.

Ready to get clear on what’s holding you back emotionally? Let’s begin.

See the comprehensive guide on emotions and their roles in your life.

Table of Contents

Main Points

  • Low emotional intelligence makes recognizing, expressing, and managing emotions difficult, often causing misunderstandings and strained personal and professional relationships.
  • Upbringing, trauma, stress, mental health conditions, and poor communication habits commonly contribute to emotionally underdeveloped behavior in adults.
  • Low EI leads to misreading social cues, emotional outbursts, defensiveness, and difficulty forming secure emotional connections with others.
  • Self-awareness, empathy development, feedback openness, and consistent emotional regulation can gradually raise emotional intelligence levels over time.

What is Low Emotional Intelligence?

Low emotional intelligence means having difficulty recognizing, understanding, and managing your own emotions or the emotions of others. It often shows up as poor communication, lack of empathy, emotional outbursts, or an inability to handle conflict.

People with low emotional intelligence may struggle to build strong relationships, respond appropriately in social situations, or deal with stress and criticism.

Unlike personality traits, emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed.

Understanding what low emotional intelligence looks like is the first step toward improving how you connect with others and handle emotional challenges.

Common Causes of Low Emotional Intelligence

Low emotional intelligence doesn’t happen without reason.

It’s usually shaped by life experiences, environments, and habits that affect how you understand and express emotions.

Here are the most common causes:

Upbringing and Early Environment

If you grew up in a home where emotions were ignored, punished, or misunderstood, you may not have learned how to process feelings healthily.

This lack of early emotional modeling can follow you into adulthood and limit your emotional development.

Lack of Self-Awareness

Without self-awareness, it’s hard to recognize your emotional triggers, patterns, or how your behavior affects others.

You may react automatically without reflection, leading to poor decision-making and strained relationships.

Chronic Stress

Long-term stress can cloud your thinking and make emotional control more difficult.

When your mind is constantly in survival mode, there’s little space to process feelings or respond calmly to challenges.

Past Trauma

Emotional trauma can block or distort your ability to understand emotions.

When you’ve experienced pain, especially in childhood, your brain may suppress emotions to cope, which reduces emotional sensitivity and empathy.

Mental Health Conditions

Conditions like anxiety, depression, or personality disorders can interfere with emotional processing.

These mental health issues may limit your ability to regulate emotions or connect with others on an emotional level.

Poor Communication Habits

If you were never taught how to express yourself clearly or listen actively, emotional misunderstandings become common.

Over time, this can turn into a pattern that blocks emotional growth.

Cultural and Social Conditioning

Some cultures or social groups discourage emotional expression, especially in men.

This conditioning can lead people to ignore or suppress their feelings, making emotional awareness seem unnatural or even wrong.

Low Emotional Literacy

When you don’t have the vocabulary to describe how you feel, it’s harder to manage those emotions.

Low emotional literacy creates frustration and confusion, especially when trying to connect with others.

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How Low Emotional Intelligence Affects Perception, Communication, and Relationships

Low emotional intelligence impacts more than just your mood.

It shapes the way you see the world, how you express yourself, and how you relate to others.

Here’s how it affects key areas of your daily interactions:

Perception

Low emotional intelligence can distort how you interpret people’s words and actions.

You might take neutral comments as personal attacks or miss emotional cues entirely.

This skewed perception leads to unnecessary conflict, mistrust, and a tendency to assume the worst in situations that require understanding or emotional clarity.

Communication

When emotional intelligence is low, expressing feelings becomes difficult or extreme.

You may struggle to explain how you feel or lash out instead of responding calmly.

Listening becomes a challenge, too, often leading to interruptions or defensiveness.

This creates tension and breakdowns in meaningful conversations.

Relationships

Low EI makes it hard to form healthy, lasting relationships.

You may come off as distant, overly reactive, or insensitive to others’ needs.

People may avoid deep connections with you because they feel misunderstood or emotionally unsafe.

Over time, this creates isolation and weakens both personal and professional bonds.

Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

Low emotional intelligence shows up in daily interactions, emotions, and decisions, whether you notice it or not.

These signs appear both in your behavior and in how others respond to you. Let’s break them down.

Internal Signs: If You May Have Low Emotional Intelligence

These signs reflect how you handle your own emotions. If you recognize any of these in yourself, it might be a clue that your emotional skills need attention.

Difficulty identifying or expressing emotions

You may feel overwhelmed or confused by your emotions and struggle to describe what you’re feeling.

Instead of naming the emotion, you shut down, lash out, or avoid dealing with it altogether.

Overreacting or underreacting emotionally

Your emotional responses may not match the situation. A small issue could trigger an intense reaction, or you might feel numb when something calls for emotional presence and care.

Trouble accepting constructive criticism

Feedback might feel like a personal attack, even when it’s kindly delivered.

You may become defensive, shut down, or avoid situations where your performance is evaluated or questioned.

Inability to handle stress or frustration well

Stressful situations may leave you feeling helpless or easily irritated. You might snap at others or avoid responsibility, rather than managing emotions calmly and thoughtfully.

Lack of empathy or inability to read social cues

You may miss signs that someone is uncomfortable, hurt, or disengaged.

Understanding what others are feeling or needing doesn’t come naturally, which can create emotional distance in relationships.

External Signs: If You’re Dealing With Someone Who Has Low Emotional Intelligence

These signs appear in how others behave toward you or within group dynamics.

Recognizing them can help you respond wisely and protect your emotional space.

Frequent conflicts or misunderstandings

People with low EI often misinterpret tone, intent, or context. This can lead to constant arguments, unresolved tension, and strained connections in both personal and professional settings.

Inappropriate emotional responses

You might notice overreactions, mood swings, or emotional outbursts that don’t match the situation.

These behaviors make it hard to maintain balance or predict how the person will respond.

Blaming others instead of taking responsibility

They rarely admit when they’re wrong. Mistakes are usually pinned on someone else, and accountability is avoided, which damages trust and makes growth almost impossible in relationships.

Poor listening skills or talking over others

They may interrupt often, ignore feedback, or dominate conversations.

This creates communication barriers and leaves others feeling dismissed, unimportant, or emotionally drained after interactions.

Manipulative or dismissive behavior

People with low EI might try to control others through guilt, sarcasm, or passive-aggressive comments.

They also tend to disregard others’ feelings, making emotional safety difficult to maintain around them.

Effects of Low Emotional Intelligence

Low emotional intelligence can quietly shape the quality of your life.

It doesn’t just affect how you feel inside, it impacts your relationships, career, and overall well-being.

Here’s what that can look like:

On Personal Relationships

Low emotional intelligence makes it hard to form close bonds. You may struggle to express affection or understand what others need emotionally.

Misunderstandings become common, and unresolved conflicts build tension.

Over time, loved ones may feel emotionally neglected, leading to distance, frustration, or breakups.

Trust weakens when emotional support is missing or inconsistent in the relationship.

At Work

In professional settings, low EI leads to poor communication, frequent misunderstandings, and weak collaboration.

You may react defensively to feedback, misread coworkers’ intentions, or avoid conflict resolution.

Leaders with low emotional intelligence often struggle to motivate their teams, creating a toxic environment.

Over time, this reduces productivity, morale, and growth opportunities for everyone involved.

On Mental Health

When you can’t manage your emotions well, stress and anxiety increase.

You may internalize failures, take criticism personally, or feel overwhelmed by everyday interactions.

This can lead to low self-esteem and social withdrawal.

Without strong emotional skills, it’s hard to build resilience, which makes coping with life’s challenges feel isolating and mentally exhausting.

How to Deal With Low Emotional Intelligence

Dealing with low emotional intelligence, whether in yourself or someone else, takes patience and practical steps.

It’s not about changing overnight but about making consistent choices that support healthier emotional habits.

Here’s how to begin.

If You Recognize It in Yourself

Noticing your emotional blind spots is the first step toward growth.

With daily effort and the right mindset, you can develop better awareness and improve how you respond to emotions.

Develop self-awareness: mindfulness and journaling

Pay attention to your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgment.

Set aside time to reflect daily, or use journaling to notice patterns.

This helps you recognize emotional triggers and break automatic reactions that cause regret or confusion.

Practice emotional regulation: pause before reacting and name the emotion

Instead of reacting instantly, take a breath and identify what you’re feeling.

Naming emotions like anger, shame, or fear helps you respond thoughtfully and prevent unnecessary conflict or misunderstanding.

Strengthen empathy: active listening and perspective-taking

Make it a habit to listen fully before responding. Imagine what the other person may be feeling, even if you don’t agree.

This helps you connect better and reduces tension in conversations.

Seek feedback and be open to growth

Ask people you trust how you come across emotionally. Don’t defend—just listen.

Honest feedback can reveal blind spots and give you direction for emotional growth in relationships, work, and self-awareness.

Consider emotional intelligence training or therapy

Working with a therapist or taking emotional skills workshops can help you dig deeper into emotional roadblocks.

These tools offer guidance and structure for developing lasting change in how you relate to others and yourself.

If You’re Dealing With Someone Who Has Low Emotional Intelligence

Interacting with someone who lacks emotional awareness can be draining.

But you can protect your peace while maintaining compassion and clarity in the relationship.

Set boundaries and manage your own reactions

Don’t allow their emotional outbursts or insensitivity to throw you off course.

Set clear limits on what you will tolerate and stick to them, even if they resist or challenge your stance.

Use clear, calm communication

Avoid sarcasm, passive aggression, or emotional escalation. Be direct about your needs and use a steady tone.

Clarity helps reduce confusion and creates space for more respectful interaction.

Don’t take things personally

Someone with low EI may say things that sting or behave in ways that feel cold.

Remember, their reaction speaks more about their limitations than your worth or value.

Offer support, not judgment: where appropriate

If this person matters to you, gently encourage their growth without shaming them.

Recommend resources, share how their behavior affects you, and model emotional intelligence in your own responses.

Decide when to walk away from toxic dynamics

If you’ve tried your best and the relationship still drains or harms you, it’s okay to let go.

Protecting your mental and emotional health comes first, no matter who the person is.

How to Overcome Low Emotional Intelligence

You can improve your emotional intelligence with consistent effort and the right tools.

It’s not about perfection but learning to respond better, connect deeper, and understand yourself and others more clearly.

Build emotional vocabulary through reflection and naming feelings

Learning to name what you feel builds clarity. Instead of saying “I’m fine” or “I’m angry,” try identifying the real emotion: anxious, disappointed, embarrassed, or overwhelmed.

Labeling emotions helps you process and communicate them accurately.

Practice pausing before reacting to emotional triggers

When something upsets you, take a moment before responding.

A deep breath or short pause allows you to assess the situation, choose your words carefully, and avoid emotional outbursts that damage relationships or trust.

Strengthen empathy by focusing on others’ perspectives

Shift your focus from your own emotions to how others may be feeling.

Ask questions, observe body language, and listen without interrupting. Understanding where someone is coming from helps you respond more thoughtfully and respectfully.

Ask for feedback and be open to correction

Invite honest feedback from people you trust. Don’t defend, just listen.

Others can point out behaviors or blind spots you may not see.

Growth begins when you’re willing to hear and apply what they share.

Develop better stress management techniques

Unmanaged stress can cloud judgment and reduce emotional control.

Try deep breathing, exercise, or stepping away briefly when emotions run high.

Staying calm helps you respond wisely instead of reacting impulsively under pressure.

Work with a coach, mentor, or therapist

Sometimes you need guidance. A therapist, mentor, or emotional intelligence coach can help you understand your patterns and guide you toward healthier emotional habits with practical tools and consistent support.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can emotional intelligence be improved, or is it a fixed trait?

Emotional intelligence is not fixed. With self-awareness, practice, and tools like therapy or journaling, anyone can improve their emotional skills meaningfully.

What’s the difference between low emotional intelligence and just being introverted?

Introversion involves energy levels around people; low EI involves difficulty recognizing or managing emotions, regardless of one’s social comfort or personality.

How can I tell if someone has low emotional intelligence without confronting them?

Watch for signs like emotional outbursts, poor listening, constant blame, or defensiveness, these patterns reveal low EI without needing confrontation.

Is low emotional intelligence linked to mental health issues?

Yes. Conditions like anxiety or depression can reduce emotional regulation and awareness, which makes emotional intelligence skills harder to access or apply.

Conclusion

Low emotional intelligence affects how you handle stress, express emotions, and relate to others.

If you’re often misunderstood, feel emotionally disconnected, or struggle with conflict, you may be dealing with low EI.

The good news is, it’s not permanent.

With intentional self-work, like journaling, mindfulness, and learning to pause before reacting, emotional intelligence can improve.

Building empathy, practicing clear communication, and seeking feedback also help strengthen your emotional insight.

Whether you’re addressing this in yourself or navigating someone else’s low EI, small, consistent changes matter.

Emotional growth takes time, but it’s entirely possible and deeply rewarding.

It leads to healthier relationships, reduced stress, and a more peaceful, connected life.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Pious Clements is the insightful voice behind "The Conducts of Life" blog, where he writes about life ethics, self-development, life mastery, and the dynamics of people and society.

With a profound understanding of human behaviuor and societal dynamics, Pious offers thought-provoking perspectives on ethical living and personal growth.
Through engaging narratives and astute observations, he inspires readers to navigate life's complexities with wisdom and integrity, encouraging a deeper understanding of the human experience and our place within society.

THE CONDUCTS OF LIFE