Last updated on September 27th, 2026 at 05:11 pm
Six months after moving to New York for work, Chioma had plenty of colleagues and not a person she could call on a Saturday. As an introvert, she did not want a crowd of friends, just two or three good ones.
Making friends as an introvert is not about forcing yourself to become the life of the party. It is about finding a few people you click with and giving those friendships the time they need to grow.
The steps below play to introverts’ natural preferences, such as small groups, shared interests, and one-on-one conversation, and they draw on research about how long friendship actually takes.
A separate section addresses social anxiety, which is different from introversion and calls for a slightly different approach.
If you are new to the topic, the basics of introversion offer helpful background first.
Table of Contents
Why Friendship Can Feel Harder for Introverts
Introverts are not worse at friendship, and many are excellent friends once a bond forms.
The hard part is the beginning, since the usual ways adults meet people, such as parties, networking events, and loud group outings, are the settings introverts enjoy least.
Adult life also offers fewer built-in chances to make friends than school did, so friendship now takes deliberate effort from everyone.
The good news is that introverts do not need many friends to thrive, just the right ones, which is the heart of what real friendship involves.
How Long It Takes to Make a Friend
Research by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas estimated it takes roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend.
It takes about 90 hours to become friends and more than 200 hours to become close friends. Time spent working side by side counted for less than time spent hanging out, joking, and sharing activities.
That explains Chioma’s problem: hundreds of hours with colleagues had not added up to friendship because almost none of it was social time.
For introverts, the takeaway is encouraging, since friendship depends on steady time with a few people rather than charm in a crowd.
10 Steps to Make Friends as an Introvert
1. Know What Kind of Friendship You Want
Decide if you are looking for a walking partner, a close confidant, or a group to share a hobby with, since clarity makes good matches easier to spot.
2. Aim for Quality Over Quantity
One or two good friendships can meet most of an introvert’s social needs, so there is no reason to chase a large circle. Invest in one promising connection at a time rather than spreading your energy thin.
3. Go Where Your Interests Are
Book clubs, choirs, hiking groups, coding meetups, faith groups, and volunteer projects give you something to talk about besides small talk. Shared activities also take the pressure off, since conversation can rest on the task at hand.
4. Show Up Repeatedly
Friendship grows from repeated contact, so joining a weekly group beats attending ten one-off events. Seeing the same faces each week builds familiarity until conversation starts to feel natural.
5. Use Your One-on-One Strength
Many introverts shine in one-on-one conversation, so suggest coffee or a walk with one person rather than a group dinner.
6. Start Small Conversations
A question about the activity you share, such as “How long have you been coming here?”, makes an easy opener. More openers appear in the article on starting conversations through shared interests.
7. Follow Up and Invite
As Hall has pointed out, you cannot force anyone to spend time with you, but you can extend the invitation. After a good conversation, ask for their number and suggest a specific plan, like “Want to try that new bookshop on Saturday?”
8. Remember They Probably Like You More Than You Think
In a set of studies by Erica Boothby and colleagues, people consistently underestimated how much their conversation partners liked them and enjoyed their company.
The researchers called this the liking gap, and it lasted for months among new college dorm mates.
So when your inner critic says a chat went badly, remember it probably went better than you think.
9. Adjust Your Behavior, Not Your Identity
You do not have to become an extravert to make friends, only to stretch a little, such as staying twenty minutes longer or asking one more question.
10. Be Patient and Consistent
Given the hours involved, a close friendship can take months, so keep showing up even when progress feels slow.
In my observation, most lasting adult friendships begin with a small, repeated habit, like the same Saturday class, rather than one memorable night.
Introversion Is Not the Same as Social Anxiety
Introversion is a preference for quieter settings, while social anxiety is an intense fear of being judged that can make people avoid situations they actually want to be in.
An introvert who skips a party usually just prefers a quiet evening, while a socially anxious person may badly want to go but feel too frightened.
You can be both, and if you are unsure which applies to you, the comparison on telling introversion from shyness can help.
Making Friends When Social Anxiety Is Part of the Picture
If anxiety makes social situations feel frightening, these steps can help alongside the ones above.
Face It Gradually
Avoidance keeps anxiety alive, so practice with small, manageable steps, such as saying hello to a neighbor before tackling a party.
Accept Invitations From People You Trust
Going to gatherings with a friend who knows you makes new situations feel safer and gives you someone to stand beside.
Keep in Touch When Talking Feels Hard
If a live conversation feels overwhelming, ask for a number or social media handle so you can continue the connection by message, where you have time to think.
Answer Your Inner Critic Instead of Suppressing It
Trying to push anxious thoughts away tends to make them louder, so instead question them, asking “What evidence do I have that they disliked me?”
The liking gap research gives you a solid answer, and healthier self-talk habits can make this a daily practice.
Reach Out to a Professional
Cognitive behavioral therapy is well established for social anxiety, so if fear is limiting your life, a licensed therapist can help you build confidence step by step.
Keeping Your Friendships Strong
Once a friendship starts, protect it with regular, low-effort contact, such as a weekly message or a standing monthly coffee.
Suggest activities that suit you both, like walks, cooking, board games, or watching a match together, so time together recharges rather than drains you.
It also helps to tell close friends that you sometimes need quiet time, so they do not mistake a slow reply for lost interest.
Conclusion
Chioma eventually found her two good friends through a weekly choir, not a single party, after months of showing up and staying for tea afterward.
Making friends as an introvert works best through shared interests, repeated contact, one-on-one time, and the patience to give friendship the hours it needs.
Remember that people likely enjoy your company more than you think, and if anxiety is holding you back, support is available.
This week, pick one regular group that matches your interests and commit to attending it four times in a row.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can an introvert make friends?
Join a regular group built around your interests, show up consistently, favor one-on-one conversations, follow up with a specific invitation, and give each friendship time to grow naturally.
How long does it take to make a friend?
Research by Jeffrey Hall estimated about 50 hours to become casual friends, about 90 hours to become friends, and more than 200 hours together to become close friends.
Is it normal for introverts to have few friends?
Yes, many introverts prefer a small circle of close friends over a large, loose network, and one or two good friendships can meet most of their social needs.
What if I am an introvert with social anxiety?
Face social situations gradually, attend events with trusted friends, question anxious thoughts instead of suppressing them, and consider cognitive behavioral therapy if fear seriously limits your daily life.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational and reflective purposes only and does not constitute mental health, psychological, or therapeutic advice. The author is not a licensed therapist or psychologist. Where content is based on personal observation or experience, this is stated clearly in the article. If you are struggling with your mental health, please consult a qualified mental health professional.
Pious Clements writes about character, conduct, and the deeper questions of how a life is lived. He is the founder of The Conducts of Life, a site built on the belief that how you behave, not what you achieve, defines who you are. His writing draws from decades of observation, lived experience, and serious thinking about human nature, ethics, and self-development. He writes to be useful, not popular.